am i a freak..???

life is not so easy as we see,its quite a bit complicated......bcz its not only you involved in it.....

there are people who are directly or indirectly related to you......

i meet different people everyday........the way i see......i always try to find a friend in every soul.....

i can assure datz not the right way to start conversation.......

there are two ways to follow:

1. every1 is innocent until proven guilty

2. every1 is guilty until proven innocent

well......i  have  always  followed  the  rule # 1......and faced lots of hiccups on my way......

got hurt smtyms.....i smtyms felt like...... wtf........life sucks.......i wish i cud hurt myself some how.....

i tried to burn my wrists or fingers with drops of wax from a burning candle......i knw am talking insane...but i wish i cud change myself......y cant i follow rule #2...???

i dont knw y.......may be i am not allowing dat to happen.......or may be its my destiny.......

i am not so open with my parents .......i dont have siblings either.......gf to dur ki baat hai......

with whom am i supposed to share my feelings.......???who will understand my feelings......??

i have tried with some people .......but all of them simply left me.......they  deserted me 

in the middle of no where......

i am thirsty of love.......i want to be taken care of.......yes i do love mama.......but there are certain things....we cant share with our parents.......atleast i cant.......

i mean mama and dad have got enuf pblms to deal........and i dont want 2 burden them with my mess.......what will u do....??......do u agree with me........??

smtyms i felt like killing myself......making an end to that series of beatings and sufferings m going thru......

"but lemme tell you something ,lyf is not like a restart button of your pc.....it only has a turn off facility....once gone .....it can never be reversed.......its precious......

so live it,nurture it and fill every part  of it with music and happiness......."

i always missed something.....i dont knw what.......but there is something missing in me.......

i just need sth 2 complete to me.........i wanna say "yes, you complete me..."

i always wanted to be an artist or a soccer player or a singer or a dancer or a model or a violin artist or a fashion designer......i couldn't pursue it......but y??.....y can't i do what i want........??

am i afraid of what others would say.......?? what if my parents stop talking to me.....??

what if i fail......??what if the society doesnt allow me.....????what if i loose  hope in the middle of my path.....??what if my friends make laugh of me...???i always fear of being left alone......this is the worst nightmare i always have......

"when i close my eyes.

i can see your face,

and the sun shining through,

on the special places of you,

if we remember one,

whetever may come,

we will never be lost,

there will always be a place for us,

the castles we built,

the love we have,

the hope we nurture,

there will always be a place for us."