m i over-reacting????

y i feel so dejected after being ignored ?????
even though i knew it was going to happen.......!!!!!!!

seeking solace!!!!

i am feeling very low today,feeling like cry with someone.dont know why but today all the things happened to me throughout my life are coming back as a flashback to me,making me numb.

when i look at the things i have so far achieved and myself and try to analyse them ,i find like  i have not been able to fulfill my duties as a son.i feel like ,i have never been able to fulfill their expectations.

i have many friends ,most of them are really nice to me always ready to enjoy , party an all,but everyone needs a break from a social life,i also need a break.

i just want to sit with someone i can trust,i can love,some1 i know will shed tears when i do.

i want that person to support and back me for the things i am gonna do.i want that sm1 to speak to me through eyes not with words cuz right now i am unable to move my tonsil;it gets very difficult to move ur tonsil  when you are very very hurt or eyes are just about to explode.

i am a very emotional kind a guy,always ready to shed tears;until  eyes get dried up but only when i am alone ,i never show my emotions in public.

i keep everything within myself,even if its is hurting me a lot,i never reveal anything to any1.

its really difficult to get things out of me that are bothering me a lot otherwise i am very open.

i really dont know,y i do that.....if any1 asks me,i do want to share things, i really want to pour my heart out,cuz it really pains a lot inside ;hiding things that bother me a lot is really painful.

i think i am afraid of loosing you people,i feel like if i reveal my pain to you,may be you all will leave me and i will be alone forever....that's why i write posts and talk to shri krishna.

but i am fed up of being an asshole and introvert anymore,i want to change myself......i want to share things with others......but dont know who that someone can be.......i m dying to meet that person ,who will understand me and join all the pieces of me altogether.

if i dont meet that sm1 soon,i will surely die.....

i want you to feel me

i want you to talk to me

i want you to soothe me

i want you to share my pain

i want you to give your shoulder to me

i just want to close my eyes and fall asleep on your lap

                                        "i want to cry but cant cry"

dont matter!!!!!

it doesnt matter if you are a president,

the only thing that matters is how you rule and lead your people

it doesnt matter if you are a spiritual guru,

the only thing that matters is how you spread peace and harmony

it doesnt matter how famous mozart you are,

the only thing that matters is how your music cheers people

it doesnt matter if you are a lover,

the only thing that matters is how you respect her love for you

it doesnt matter who you are inside,

the only thing that matters is what you do,what your actions are

ps: dont blame me.......when i get very desperate to write a post,i write such bakwas things......

i am with you!!!!

if u really want 2 save yourself,never get too emotional,

to stop being an emotional fool,never try to fall in love,

never go after someone who doesnt deserve your care for her,

never talk or try to observe her,precisely totally ignore her.

you have been insulted by her hundreds of times,so why are you still sticking with her.

she never calls you back.....neither she replies for  the messages you send....

she tries to run whenever you try to approach her........come on,she dosnt give a shit for the person you are........i know you are the nicest guy any one can ever imagine of.......

you have been nice to her,you always lent your hand of support to her......but what you got today.....she left you for a crap like this,a shit looking competition and went with those a*****es.....

come on man,you know i am always with you.........its not like you dont have friends.....i will always be there for you.

i know you are upset today,but whenever you feel like talking to someone,you can call me......and if u want,i will come for you even at the middle of the night.

you are my best mate and i will always be there for you........this post is for you only mate.......

take care....

our friendship will never end even if  i close my eyes.....

jai shri krishna.....

jai ho!!!!!!

tiger gulps the kiwi with no hiccups.........yippieeee we won india won.......after 33 years we have beaten kiwis on their own turf.........hope we win the series as well......

sachin rokzzzz again and he dedicates his century to tiger conservation project....datz gud....i liked that.......

do i have to write any more.......the final card shows it all.......

ps: for final scorecard log on to www.cricinfo.com

this is my fiftieth post of the year....:)

you are so beautiful....

i am standing right in front of you

wondering if you look at me

i dont know how to start 

but i really want to talk to you

every time i try to approach you

my heart starts pounding

what if you get scared?

what if you raise your eyes and stop me from approaching?

i cant stop looking at you

your eyes are so watery

gleaming like moonlight

i wish i can see the reflection of mine on them

i know you have noticed me 

i can see your chest beating so fast

i want you to look at me

cuz the same thing is happening to me

your presence is making me weaker 

i just want to hold you in my hands

but i dont know where to start

cuz every part of you is so beautiful

honor defines a man....

he is a happy go lucky kinda a guy.......he doesnt care about the time he wastes in watchng movies,chit chat and all.....he loves partying,pulling legs of his best guys......he is funny....

he loves flirting with girls......he removes the dust off his books only a week b4 the exams.....

he looks 4 chances to give his backpack to any cute looking girl in a bus.....he loves making friends..

he escapes dtc ticket collectors by showing old ticket for a split second.......phewwww,its really difficult.......

in short......he is simply going with the flow of life....ya its true he is never organised like girls are......he reverts his socks and wear them for another 2 weeks(4 weeks in all).....i know its really disgusting. 

let me ask u sth...what does honor mean to you..???

"honor means maitaining ones integrity,one has to define principles, pesonal standards and follow them"

omg it seems like a serious business 2 me...lol.....

he goes through 3 phases of life....with equal responsibilities...

he is a son:

he knows his father is not so happy with him,he knows he will be scolded after getting flunked  in the exam,and his dad does.

he thinks over it for sometime and tries to figure out what went wrong.he cries ,he is angry,he throws his books on the floor,he stops eating......

he knows his father is disappointed,he knows he made a mistake.

he sees his father feeling low in front of his colleagues.he is no longer respected by his own colleagues,even his best mates start teasing him on his failure.

his maths teacher is disappointed as well...she is no longer so kind to give him her notes and assist him for anything.

he looses all his respect in the eyes of his little sister.his girl friend has stopped talking to him and ingnores him whenever he calls her.

he knows he has to prove himself,he has to get back all the respect he deserves.all he wants is whenever he sees himself in a mirror,he never  has to feel shy of his own eyes.he starts working day and night.....he sweats all day and cut through nights without sleep cuz he knows he has to succeed,succeed not  to win hearts but to win his honor back....cuz a man can die for his honor and so he can.

he is a husband:

so he has got someone very special in his life.he loves his wife,respects her more than anyone in his life...she has become the center of his world....

his business is not going so good,he tries to get loan...but he fails...he fails to return his previous loans also....he is depressed,he is depressed about his wife cuz he knows he wont not be able to gift his wife a diamond ring on her birthday this time,that he used to since he married her....

he knows he wont be able to take her to goa on their wedding anniversary .....he doesnt have the money to pay for her shopping,he  wont be able to take her to her favourite restaurant any more........he wont be able to pay for her meds.......he wont be able to pay for her dance classes(her passion)......

he realises that he is no longer a good husband.......cuz he is no longer able to satisfy her needs.he cant keep her happy any more......but he loves her like hell,he wants to see his queen happy again....he just wants to see her smiling again.....

he stops his business,works under those who used to be his own employees,he works works and works....he doesnt give a shit about his self respect.....all he knows he has to win his respect back in her eyes....he has to win her faith on him.......he wants her not to give up on him.......he walks past his own contours and does whatever it takes to get back his previously acclaimed reputation....

"a man is not defined by the work he does,

  he is defined by the manner he works"

he is a father:

he calls his aryan ,takes him on his lap,encircles him with his arms and kisses on his forehead.

these are not just actions of showing love to  aryan.....he is actually trying to make him understand that no matter what happens he is gonna be there,he is gonna be there to protect him from whatever comes in his way and whenevr aryan looses hope he will be there to give his hand to stand up on his foot and start walking with head held high.

aryan is playing with his sister but suddenly he falls in a pit.

he comes for ayanz rescue ,uses a rope,slides down and takes him back home safe....

aryan is scared,he is shivering and boiling.....he comes and sits on araynz left side .......he takes his kidz hand on his right hand and says "son why do we fall...?....we fall only to learn...and when we learn we rise,we rise on our legs....only 2 walk again..."

"failure is the biggest fear that we can ever imagine of.....it stops us from going ahead....and when we stop, it hinders our mind from learning....and when our mind stops thinking,we are no longer a human......"

"you are my son....u fell in that pit and u have learnt something,havent you?..."...he smiles...

"a father is like a pillar standing by our side

 he helps us to stand again whenever our legs start shaking

 he walks with us,so that we can take help whennever we have to

 he  gives us light whenever we see dark,so that we can get through

 he heals us whenever we are hurt 

 he encourages us when we fail

 he is like a small glow of fire who  keeps us fueling

 so that we never breakdown"

anonymity....(50th post)

hi guys i wanna confess something......

these are not the only blogs i maintain.........i have got two more anonymous blogs.......

i am sorry but i cant make them public.......these two blogs are something that are very close to my heart.......i have poured my heart out  in them.......i tht i must share with you all,thats y i am mentioning about them in this post.......

hey one more thing ,this is my 50th post......:)

jai shri krishna...

let me sleep baba...

consequences of less sleep....

1. high risk of diabetes

2. 4.5 times more likely to have abnormal blood sugar levels comapared to those who sleep more

3. in children it raises the risk of obesity,depression,and high blood pressure

4. for the middle aged guys it raises the risk of infections,heart disease,stroke and cancer

5. adults need 7-9 hours of sleep

so muje sone dooooooo....i just woke up and i can go for another big leap...lolzzzz....i m falling falling and gone....khrrrrrr........

note: all the data is taken from a times of india article

going nowhere....

i liked you since 11th grade

but didnt know if it was really love

i wished if we can meet again

but we lost contact

i met you in college 

but got no jobs to impress you

i got d job 

but  u fell in love with  another guy

i tried to be a gud friend of you 

but  felt the pain of loosing you

i heard u broke up 

but dont know why i felt so suffocated

i rejected your offer of being my best friend 

but still hoped if you ask again(i wished if u can make up with that guy)

i could hear your heart beat

but didnt know if it was for me

i tried millions of times to show my feelings 

but didnt know what stopped me from doing so

finally i proposed you

but u said NO

i knew the answer

but why i felt so bad??

i never loved you

but i felt like the whole world stood still

what the hell has happened to me??

i never felt like that before

i never felt so possessive for anyone

why i want her to say YES  for me

no no no.....its really terrible

i should not take advantage of her

she is a good friend of mine

i must stop...ya i must restrict myself....

she doesnt deserve me...she deserves more than that....

ps: i cant stop writing....cuz i love blogging just as much i love myself ....

closing.....

the ink i used to write with has dried

the paper i used to write on has burnt

the heart i used to think from has stopped beating

the fingers i used to press keys has lost energy

the eyes i used to see my pc are filled with tears

the mind i used to look for inspirations has got numb

so i cant blog anymore.....thanx 4 inspiring me.....thanx 4 everything......

jai shri krishna...

blank......cant think of any title.......

i shouldnt have asked.....

just shut up...

                                        never

           jump into wrong

                                   conclusions

            for the things

               you

             never know

uffffff!!!!!!!!

i m dying to write sth........but cant figure out what 2 write.....

i just woke up 4m a nice nap...and my mind is totally blank right now.......listening to songs....will go 4 a walk may be ....got no movies in my pc and already missing my guys.........uuuaaaaaaaaa......still yawning lol......

ok now i m stopping.....itna bakwas posting shayad hi kisi ne ki hogi blogging ki history.......well abhishek is different na....u all knw ....haina...:P