Thursday, March 26, 2009

seeking solace!!!!

i am feeling very low today,feeling like cry with someone.dont know why but today all the things happened to me throughout my life are coming back as a flashback to me,making me numb.
when i look at the things i have so far achieved and myself and try to analyse them ,i find like  i have not been able to fulfill my duties as a son.i feel like ,i have never been able to fulfill their expectations.
i have many friends ,most of them are really nice to me always ready to enjoy , party an all,but everyone needs a break from a social life,i also need a break.
i just want to sit with someone i can trust,i can love,some1 i know will shed tears when i do.
i want that person to support and back me for the things i am gonna do.i want that sm1 to speak to me through eyes not with words cuz right now i am unable to move my tonsil;it gets very difficult to move ur tonsil  when you are very very hurt or eyes are just about to explode.
i am a very emotional kind a guy,always ready to shed tears;until  eyes get dried up but only when i am alone ,i never show my emotions in public.
i keep everything within myself,even if its is hurting me a lot,i never reveal anything to any1.
its really difficult to get things out of me that are bothering me a lot otherwise i am very open.
i really dont know,y i do that.....if any1 asks me,i do want to share things, i really want to pour my heart out,cuz it really pains a lot inside ;hiding things that bother me a lot is really painful.
i think i am afraid of loosing you people,i feel like if i reveal my pain to you,may be you all will leave me and i will be alone forever....that's why i write posts and talk to shri krishna.
but i am fed up of being an asshole and introvert anymore,i want to change myself......i want to share things with others......but dont know who that someone can be.......i m dying to meet that person ,who will understand me and join all the pieces of me altogether.
if i dont meet that sm1 soon,i will surely die.....

i want you to feel me
i want you to talk to me
i want you to soothe me
i want you to share my pain
i want you to give your shoulder to me
i just want to close my eyes and fall asleep on your lap

                                        "i want to cry but cant cry"

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