Friday, January 2, 2009

am i a freak..???


life is not so easy as we see,its quite a bit complicated......bcz its not only you involved in it.....
there are people who are directly or indirectly related to you......
i meet different people everyday........the way i see......i always try to find a friend in every soul.....
i can assure datz not the right way to start conversation.......
there are two ways to follow:
1. every1 is innocent until proven guilty
2. every1 is guilty until proven innocent
well......i  have  always  followed  the  rule # 1......and faced lots of hiccups on my way......
got hurt smtyms.....i smtyms felt like...... wtf........life sucks.......i wish i cud hurt myself some how.....
i tried to burn my wrists or fingers with drops of wax from a burning candle......i knw am talking insane...but i wish i cud change myself......y cant i follow rule #2...???
i dont knw y.......may be i am not allowing dat to happen.......or may be its my destiny.......
i am not so open with my parents .......i dont have siblings either.......gf to dur ki baat hai......
with whom am i supposed to share my feelings.......???who will understand my feelings......??
i have tried with some people .......but all of them simply left me.......they  deserted me 
in the middle of no where......

i am thirsty of love.......i want to be taken care of.......yes i do love mama.......but there are certain things....we cant share with our parents.......atleast i cant.......
i mean mama and dad have got enuf pblms to deal........and i dont want 2 burden them with my mess.......what will u do....??......do u agree with me........??
smtyms i felt like killing myself......making an end to that series of beatings and sufferings m going thru......
"but lemme tell you something ,lyf is not like a restart button of your pc.....it only has a turn off facility....once gone .....it can never be reversed.......its precious......
so live it,nurture it and fill every part  of it with music and happiness......."
i always missed something.....i dont knw what.......but there is something missing in me.......
i just need sth 2 complete to me.........i wanna say "yes, you complete me..."

i always wanted to be an artist or a soccer player or a singer or a dancer or a model or a violin artist or a fashion designer......i couldn't pursue it......but y??.....y can't i do what i want........??
am i afraid of what others would say.......?? what if my parents stop talking to me.....??
what if i fail......??what if the society doesnt allow me.....????what if i loose  hope in the middle of my path.....??what if my friends make laugh of me...???i always fear of being left alone......this is the worst nightmare i always have......

"when i close my eyes.
i can see your face,
and the sun shining through,
on the special places of you,

if we remember one,
whetever may come,
we will never be lost,
there will always be a place for us,

the castles we built,
the love we have,
the hope we nurture,
there will always be a place for us."

DTC Girl


As u awl knw my exams are finished.....ya  ya....still a practical is here 2 deal with.....
dont worry yaar....will get my cheats prepared by evening.....:P.

i spent my last week with ma frnds.....nd i really enjoyed dat day.....oh god!..
y good things  come  in  small  pakages...:(

so lemme tell you abt dat girl,i met in the  bus on my way to noida.....
lemme  tell you first,i always try  to sit on the left side of bus....lolzzzzz...hey not always....:P
she  boarded  the bus near  statesman house and asked me 4 sm space....she sat near the window...
you  knw "ke dtc ki gaddi hai.....sheesha kabi sahi nahi ho sakta"(in dtc windows will never be work").......
well  she  was  wearing  that  winter cushioned topi.....covering her beautiful silky long hair.....
she was wearing a brown kurti and a blue denim jeans.....and above all she was about 5'9".....deadly combination i tell you,enuf to make a guy dreaming.
She was  wearing black specs.....at that time i was wondering,if i cud see her ---- [there are 4 blanks fill urself....:) ].
Well i m a shy guy.....so i didnt approach ........but she did........i tell u yara i was soooooo much thrilled,excited and in the same time was feeling sooooooo shy  :).
Well she asked me about sec 12-22,i  wondered "cool....mai bhi to wohi ja raha hu...:)"....
She  told me about her professional lyf and her parents.......in d meantime i was looking at her shining hair smtyms covering her face and smtyms getting stuck on my face too.....thanx 2 dat tuta hua dtc ki khidki.....;)
We talked about our travelling adventure........she had been 2 australia.......so she told me sth about sydney......she told me about books she read......and mentioned about her last affair.......woooooooo.......itni jaldi woha tak pahucha jaunga.......socha na tha :)......
Trust me guys its very easy to talk 2 a stranger,but still i was hesitating........but she maitained the flow.....and she sensed that i m not feeling so comfortable......and then she said "abhishek its ok with ma....u can talk freely..."well what can i say.......i  really felt gud and confident......and told her about me,my college....and all......
I was thinking if she could  give me her number......kya kare ladko ki adat hoti hai......
ya she did give me sth......but it was a note.......she had written sth on it......."hey abhishek i enjoyed talking 2 you...have a gr8 lyf ahead....."......i was upset not bcz i cudnt get her number.....but d stop was there.......and i wudnt be able to see her ---- ........
but heyyy.......she removed her specs and handshaked with me......wow dat was an amazing feeling......mere thande hath garam ho  gaye the :P......and i was just about 2 recover frm my 1st heart attack........she did sth more ........yes she removed her cap.........and started moving her head here and there 4 a while.......i kept on seeing her[tak taki lagaye dekhta raha :)].
Suddenly she noticed me and i started blushing.......but she gave a sweet smile......and left.....