MTNL sucks!!!!

i have got MTNL  net connection and its the worst connection anybody can have......using their broadband can be  nightmarish....!!!!!......

even if u try to complaint,each and every attendant whoever attends the call passes on the work load to his subbordinates.....simply a disgusting job to explain each and every one 'bout d fuk m going thru......

cant even check my important mails and reply my buddies messages......!!!!

its better that it gets closed and privatized.....salo kaam nahi karoge to yehi hoga!!!!....

can anyone help me.......????

can anyone please tell me the way to forget things......i just wanna know the way to forget things happened in my past.........

i am desperate to know this mantra........cuz i cant erase all the agonies i have suffered whole my life....just wanna feel free and take this load off me......

taliban in india....

today we are celebrating 60th anniversary of india being a republic country.

but india is shamed again by some fanatic and hooligans of a moral policing group.

some men got into a pub and dragged women out.some of the footages i saw in cnn-ibn showed those girls being slapped by those bastards and some even fell on the ground.

what a horrifying scene for them.do you really think those girls will ever dare to go there??

can we imagine the trauma they went through???no we can't......

i am really feeling ashamed of being a part of a sex group which is involved in such inhuman activities.

the hooligans chased those girls like shit and attacked guys who were trying to protect them.

some girls were also seen being assaulted by those a**holes....

even now if i imagine myself being in such situation....i feel too scared......even though i m a guy....

i hope govenrment act soon and take action against those criminals under anti-terror laws because they are no better than terrorists.

note: i take no credit for the pictures,these  are taken from internet.these are the real pictures of mangalore pub attack

demons always chase me......

demons!!!!!.......no way....m not talking about d real ones......i dont know if dey exist or not.......

m just talking about d dreams i always have........d nightmares dat always scare  me.........

last nyt nite i cudnt sleep.......i saw so many thngs ....i saw dose devils dancing in front of my eyes....i felt as being covered by some black cloak instead of my blanket.......i cud see d images of wings thru my mosquito net........

i feel like dat devil sitting over my chest and choking me.....i  tried to use my hand,hoping to tuch dem.....but i felt nthng.....

dont know what will happen tonite....but i really dont want to sleep........i m really scared now....

every night i sleep......new sets of dreams comes to me........i feel like as being stripped of lyf....

i feel like cold and dere is never gonna be happiness again in ma lyf.........

i feel like m so alone.....dat haunts me a lot........

i wish i cud have sm1 wid me at dat time

i wish u cud have seen me,wat m goin thru

i wish GOD stops bitching me 

i wish HE stops assaulting me

i wish HE remembers that m just a human

i wish HE understands,i also cry...feel hurt

i wish HE stops filling my ways with hardships

i wish HE stops giving me short term fun.....bcz once gone.....it hurts a lot....

i wish i cud grab my achievement so hard

can u grab handful of water in your hands tightly????no u cant.....it always slips away 4m u.....nd tell u what.....datz wat my lyf is all about.......

i cant enjoy like others

i cant  celebrate

i cant go to a restaurant with my parents

bcz i know HE is watching me........and he never tolerates me being happy.......nd sends HIS demons to chase me down.......

wenever i try 2 see d other side of my bed...no1 is dere with me.....

i m thirsty of just one night full of sweet dreams.....i wanna feel happy,playing like a 2 year old kid.....i wanna enjoy the greenery of forests.......i wanna enjoy.......tell u what......i m talking nonsense........there is no point of talking what i want.........bcz i know dat will never happen.......

so ryt now i am preparing myself for tonight......

i wish a day will come,when dey will stop following me........

am i a freak..???

life is not so easy as we see,its quite a bit complicated......bcz its not only you involved in it.....

there are people who are directly or indirectly related to you......

i meet different people everyday........the way i see......i always try to find a friend in every soul.....

i can assure datz not the right way to start conversation.......

there are two ways to follow:

1. every1 is innocent until proven guilty

2. every1 is guilty until proven innocent

well......i  have  always  followed  the  rule # 1......and faced lots of hiccups on my way......

got hurt smtyms.....i smtyms felt like...... wtf........life sucks.......i wish i cud hurt myself some how.....

i tried to burn my wrists or fingers with drops of wax from a burning candle......i knw am talking insane...but i wish i cud change myself......y cant i follow rule #2...???

i dont knw y.......may be i am not allowing dat to happen.......or may be its my destiny.......

i am not so open with my parents .......i dont have siblings either.......gf to dur ki baat hai......

with whom am i supposed to share my feelings.......???who will understand my feelings......??

i have tried with some people .......but all of them simply left me.......they  deserted me 

in the middle of no where......

i am thirsty of love.......i want to be taken care of.......yes i do love mama.......but there are certain things....we cant share with our parents.......atleast i cant.......

i mean mama and dad have got enuf pblms to deal........and i dont want 2 burden them with my mess.......what will u do....??......do u agree with me........??

smtyms i felt like killing myself......making an end to that series of beatings and sufferings m going thru......

"but lemme tell you something ,lyf is not like a restart button of your pc.....it only has a turn off facility....once gone .....it can never be reversed.......its precious......

so live it,nurture it and fill every part  of it with music and happiness......."

i always missed something.....i dont knw what.......but there is something missing in me.......

i just need sth 2 complete to me.........i wanna say "yes, you complete me..."

i always wanted to be an artist or a soccer player or a singer or a dancer or a model or a violin artist or a fashion designer......i couldn't pursue it......but y??.....y can't i do what i want........??

am i afraid of what others would say.......?? what if my parents stop talking to me.....??

what if i fail......??what if the society doesnt allow me.....????what if i loose  hope in the middle of my path.....??what if my friends make laugh of me...???i always fear of being left alone......this is the worst nightmare i always have......

"when i close my eyes.

i can see your face,

and the sun shining through,

on the special places of you,

if we remember one,

whetever may come,

we will never be lost,

there will always be a place for us,

the castles we built,

the love we have,

the hope we nurture,

there will always be a place for us."

m i safe?

Is'nt  that  the  question  everyone wants 2 be assured of.I want to live...i want to be assured that each and every member of my family is safe....dont you ...???

Yes we all do...

Atleast  i  want  2  fly  like  a free bird.Why mom calls  me at an average of 2 calls every hour....???

Why  i  have  to  be  afraid  of  a  guy  asking me for some address...???

Why i  have  to  look  below  my seat every time i  board  a bus...???

Why  i  have  to  look suspiciously  every other guy having beard...??

There  are  plenty  of  cases to consider.......but why i have to ????

Can't i  have  a  simple life.....we  have  enough  problems  to take care of....isnt it...??

26/11 the day i will never forget.I  was  just preparing for my sessionals.

Mama came and said"son bombay has been  attacked agai....".I  rushed  to  aaj tak and saw all the proceedings.All my sessional  preparations came to a standstill.I should have been doin my preparations but i couldnt.How could i....when some part of mine had been wrecked by so called terrorists.

October 2005 and september 2005,i witnessed both of them.

Since then,i have so many questions.I feel frightened to go  new delhi station and board route no 355 for my college.I am confused as i am not sure if its ok to smile or laugh.

When the news of 26/11 came in,i could feel how much mama was scared.She tried to hide it but i was pretty sure she was crying....crying for me,for my dad....just because she was not sure if we will be able to make it safe after the work we do everyday.

After  the  attacks on taj and oberoi hotels,the owners have gone for there own armed security.

But what about us.....we never stay in those hotels....i will  rather stay in a hotel like those in paharganj.They dont even have their  own cctv sets....making them vulnerable to any kind of terrorist attack.So what i have to do now...?? Nothing....i can't do nothing .....i am on the mercy of those devils,because i dont want to.....thats the way i(INDIANS) am.I always  weigh  current issues......

i neve  learn.....

i forget my past....

i neve prepare 4 d future....

i go to clg, attend classes ,discuss the issues and make a quick come back to have a cup of coffee because its chilly outta dere nd see some masala news in my so called television....

I have accepted i will always have a lyf full of fear.

I have accepted that i will live like a rat.

I have accepted that i will never act.

I have accepted that i will fold my eyes and let my  politician do whatever he wants to.

I have accepted that  even if my brother dies in an attack,i will just go 4 compensation.

But y????

Cant i change myself?????

Yes i can.......i can change myself.....

cum on its not the job of a politician to take care of my family.......its me who has 2 do the job.

I have to change myself.I do not want to concern about my neighbour,i just want to be sure of my family's  safety.I should do my part and in the end all those i's will become we.

Yes i am selfish,i m selfish just beacuse i want 2 be happy ......

i want to be loved.....i want to be safe.....

NOTE:HERE "I" REFERS TO "YOU".